Sometime in June of 2019, I went with an older colleague, a female in her late 60s, to see the band Phish play in Charlotte, about a 90-minutes’ drive from where we lived. Typically, at Phish shows it’s common to find people getting “loose” (i.e., twisted up on drugs and alcohol), and this time was no different. I, however, was completely sober, as was my friend. This wasn’t an issue for me, as I have no problem attending concerts sober, and in fact, sometimes even prefer to do so – safer drive home, better night’s sleep, normal next day. Don’t get me wrong, I still like to get twisted up from time-to-time, but my desire to do so gets less and less the older I get. So it goes… 

Anyhow, we had good seats at the amphitheater, under the awning and not too far from the stage. I notice a group of late-20s/early-30s friends all dressed in white, swaying to the music. Some of them are very clearly hopped up on goofballs, judging by their facial contortions and antics, and the others may be as well, though it was less obvious and it was clear they’re enjoying the music regardless of whether something is coursing through their system or not. One of them in particular catches my eye, a beautiful gal with long, dirty-blonde hair, wearing a long white flowing dress, white skater shoes, and white-rimmed sunglasses. I mention to my older female companion something along the lines of, “That girl is beautiful. She’s exactly what I’m looking for.” My friend responds, “I’ll introduce you…” – I certainly don’t want anyone introducing me to someone they don’t know – “…I know her.” My body freezes. Of course, I want to meet this beautiful woman dancing in front of me, but it gave me the shivers because of its forced-nature, the potential for awkwardness – that I was sober, and she assumedly was not. At set-break, my friend introduces us, and it goes about as I’d hoped it wouldn’t: it was awkward, the gal seemed slightly bored and more interested in what else was going on around us. I was happy once the clumsy exchange ended, and disappointed in myself for fumbling it. That was that. Or so I thought. 

About a month or so later, my older friend ran into the beautiful dancing girl at another concert, texting to tell me. Feeling surer of myself since I was not in her direct presence, I asked my friend to see if I could have the beautiful dancing girl’s number – to my shock, she said “yes.” I texted her the next day, and we planned to go see the documentary of the singer/guitarist from Phish that had just been released. She’d arrived at the movie theater before me and had seats, all the way in the back row on the aisle. Obviously, movies aren’t exactly the place to get to know someone, but through a couple of brief exchanges, it seemed like we were enjoying each other’s company. Afterwards, I asked her if she wanted to grab a beer, but she declined, indicating that she didn’t drink that much. I wasn’t ready to let it go, so I inquired into finding another time to hang out, and we settled on the following Sunday for a hike. Great, I had another chance.

It will only be a matter of time before one of us is aggravated with the other anyway.(Image retrieved from here and comes courtesy of Odonata Wellness Center.)

I picked her up early that Sunday and she quickly let me know she’d been out late partying and was a little out of it. Awesome. We had a good conversation, though, both on the 2-hour roundtrip drive and the two hours it took to do the hike. However, I felt that I’d been nudged into the friend zone, no option for actually dating. And that’s what held for the next several years.

We saw each other sporadically between then and 2023, sometimes grabbing lunch, occasionally going to a concert together, but never did it ever seem like there was any option for dating. And that was fine. She was a little awkward and sometimes I thought she was dismissive, aloof, or bitchy, but I couldn’t tell if that was just me misreading her. For whatever reason, maybe her beauty, maybe other things, I remained intrigued by her. All this time she had a few failed relationships with other dirtballs she met on Phish tour, and I’d met a couple of them – that they ended quickly and messily was never a surprise. Then she met a non-Phish fan and started an actual relationship, maybe late 2022. I saw her infrequently after that, usually at the grocery store, and the conversations had become less intriguing, and I eventually would sometimes avoid her there if possible. I no longer saw the point. Maybe that sounds rude or mean, but we weren’t ever going to date, we didn’t really hang out as friends anymore, and there didn’t seem any reason to make awkward small talk. Then fast-forward to early May of 2025, and the story takes on a different trajectory.

During that period of time where we had minimal interaction at all, we would check in around the times Phish was on tour to see if we’d ever be in the same place at the same time, and rarely were we. With the summer 2025 tour just announced, she texted me to see if I’d be at any of the shows, and since I’d already made my extensive non-music summer travel plans before their tour announcement, I wouldn’t be, but I told her I’d just been in the Pacific Northwest to see them play a couple times, so I felt okay missing them this summer. She told me the dates she was going to catch, and then we chatted about other shows, with me asking her about a band or two I was planning on seeing soon, telling her she should check out one of them specifically. The exchange ended with her saying she would and that was the end of it. Maybe she’d show up, maybe she wouldn’t. Who knew, and frankly, I didn’t really care. We weren’t really friends any longer – no bad blood at all – it’s just that she was in a relationship, so I was more focused on what was closer to my regular social circle anyway. 

The next day around 5pm, she texts me indicating that she’d had a weird dream about me and my (ex)girlfriend, indicating that my ex kept playing with her hair and telling her she was pretty. I thought it a bit odd but engaged in an innocent back-and-forth to see what prompted it. Some flirting ensued, and I told her I hoped she had another good night of dreams. She responded, “I would be so lucky.” I replied, “Well, glad I can at least contribute to a good dream.” She answered, “I guess so.” I paused for a moment sensing her creating an “in” for me to probe the situation deeper. My retort, “Well, if you ever need someone to tell you you’re pretty and play with your hair, I can provide that service. ☺” Three hours later, I’m at her place. 

So, it’s been about two weeks now that we’ve been hanging out. In case you’re wondering, she’d broken up with the long-term boyfriend about a month earlier. I haven’t really gotten the full story on it, but I haven’t really asked about it. I also don’t know what I expect – or what I want – from this. As mentioned, I’m about to depart for an extended period of time, combining work and travel, so it’s not exactly the best time to get into a relationship, so I don’t know how to navigate those waters. Strange thing is, this poor timing has happened a few times before on the cusp of my summer departures, so I guess it’s Groundhog’s Day – and I guess when spring turns into summer is when people currently unadorned start looking for relationships. So, here we are. I wonder what will come of it. The moral of the story is that sometimes there is a long game being played even after you’ve taken yourself out of the lineup… 

Marco Esquandoles
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